LOOK UP.
I had a really tough day last week. Honestly not a big deal in the big scheme of things- like at all. Like I'm totally okay now. But at the time, I was sad. And that’s totally okay. But before I get further into the point of this post, I’ll start by saying what this post is not. This is not about me looking for sympathy. This is not an avenue to feel sorry for myself. This isn’t even about why I was sad. This is about the power and importance acknowledging our emotions in a healthy way. This is about sharing the bad with the good. This is about looking UP.
I learned a few things about experiencing and sharing emotion, that I hope you'll permit me to share with you.
In the grand scheme of things, this is one of the best cries I’ve had in a long time. As someone who struggles with anxiety and depression, I am no stranger to crying. A lot of those tears, however, aren’t accompanied by a strong emotional release. They are either tears of frustration or simply the result of chemical imbalances in my brain. There is no sense of release or of comfort in the tears, no cleansing benefit. So I enjoyed this cry. It was an emotional release. It was an acknowledgement of my emotions. I was genuinely sad and it felt good to truly feel that.
As I sat on my bed thinking (and in all honesty feeling sorry for myself), I looked toward a framed photo of Jesus that faces my bed (left). This is one of my favorite pictures because Jesus is looking up. Toward heaven, toward God, toward eternity. He looks so peaceful and focused on the Father. I love having this photo in front of my bed so it is the last and first thing I see everyday. As I continued crying (because I’ve found Jesus sits and cries with us more often than He will fix our sadness), I felt better, more peaceful. My sadness remained and the tears kept flowing, but a peace fell over me and I felt prompted to capture the moment with a photo of myself.
Our emotional moments show our most raw, vulnerable selves and I think that is why I often have the urge to take photos of myself when feeling particularly emotional. These “artsy” photos made up much of my high school selfies and some were shared, but most weren’t. After all it’s likely to be teased for sharing anything too far outside the status quo, especially in high school. I felt however that it was important to share this image for a couple reasons. First for the reasons above. Secondly, because social media is so often our happiest moments, but life is so much more than those moments. I don’t think we are under any obligation to share more than the happy moments, but I feel as though an occasional vulnerable moment is refreshing.
Look towards the heavens in the bad times, the sad times, and the good. Keep an eternal perspective. Embrace your tears and anger, but know they will pass. Love the emotions we’ve been blessed with and that without the lows the highs wouldn’t seem quite so high. Most importantly look to the Savior and you will find peace every single time.
in comfort,
Sam
