I Converted for a Boy
^shout out to Alex Hutchinson for the gorgeous engagement photos, check her out at alexhutch.com^
So let’s not beat around the bush. I started (kind of) dating a guy. 2 months later I converted to a new religion. 6 months later I got engaged to the same guy. A little fishy, no?
I have a feeling that this may have been on a lot of minds (which is totally fine!), so I want to clear it up here.
My biggest fear in converting to Mormonism was what people would think of me. I’ll admit that in my less mature middle school days, I would judge others for their discipleship. I remember laughing with one of my friends about how another of our friends was such a “Jesus-lover.” Now I think, wow what a cool compliment! How cool for that girl, that two others could so clearly notice her discipleship and love for Jesus?
Anyway, because I used to judge others, I knew that judgement would exist. I also knew that the life I had been living was in strict discordance with the principles I know wanted to devote my life to, and now live fully (and for the record always wanted to live). The funny thing about religion in my life was that I never talked about it. My gospel progression was very personal and very private. I rarely discussed it openly, which is why I was worried my seemingly sudden conversion to Mormonism would surprise people and cause questions. And of course, conceptions of Mormonism aren’t always positive and I was a little worried about having to be defensive about my new faith. (ON THAT NOTE: thank you all SO much for your support and love… I haven't had to deal with any negativity regarding my conversion yet and I am so grateful. I know those times will come, but I am just so grateful that I haven't faced any of that in my first year).
Not only did I think my conversion would seem sudden, but it was pretty obvious that a boy was involved. Because Nick baptized me and we immediately started to date officially, I was super concerned that people would assume I had baptized for a boy. Depending on who you are and your personal faith, converting for a boy doesn’t have to inherently be a bad thing. It can be exemplary of how much you love someone and can be beautiful (I’m definitely thinking about Big Fat Greek Wedding). But for me, as I’ve stated, religion was so deeply personal and my relationship with Jesus was so sacred and important, I was terrified of muddying the waters with “boy” complications.
Also for the record as a I staunch feminist, I was deeply concerned about making any large decisions that depended on a guy… I think I should probably reevaluate this before marriage… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I remember saying to Nick during my investigatory phase- “you know I think you’re cool and stuff, but no offence you’re not cool enough to convert for.” Of course, I said this in my classic teasing (sorry Nick) voice, but there was truth there. It was important for me that Nick knew (and that I knew) that I would never do something as important to me as establishing a baptismal covenant because I wanted to be accepted by a boy.
Actually very early on in the process of my Church investigations, way before I even thought a relationship with Nick was even possible (but I still had a crush on him), I remember saying to a mutual friend of ours, “I’m so scared my interest is related to Nick and I don’t ever want to convert for a boy.” She helped me think through how I could separate my spiritual search from this budding crush.
It would be ignorant and simply false to claim that Nick had nothing to do with my conversion. He definitely did. He was a great listener and nodder-alonger. He helped me figure out what I already believed and answered questions when I had them, but he never pushed me on any spiritual things. In fact, as we started getting more serious we made the decision to completely stop talking about the Church or religion because I didn’t want to get him too mixed in and he didn’t want to get high hopes about me joining the Church. Luckily, it worked out.
Okay sorry for the clickbait. If it’s not clear by now, I didn’t convert for Nick. But he was definitely involved. And I did convert for a guy. Just a different one. Did you guess by now?
It’s Jesus.
His presence in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints IS SO STRONG (hullo it’s right there in the title). I could feel his love in the church so clearly and deeply. I came to understand him better as a result of my studies and felt closer to him than ever before.
I’m so grateful that because of Nick and my decision to keep my initial Church search more private, I was able to come to my own conclusion about Jesus and the Church and that now I have a testimony independent of Nick’s. I’m also grateful that we’ve had a long-distance relationship, because although it’s been super hard, it’s let me continue to grow in the gospel and keep growing an independent testimony.
So to sum up: I am Mormon. Jesus is cool. Nick is also cool. But not cool enough to convert for (😜… can’t wait to marry you tho).
Please feel free to ask me ANY questions about my Mormon journey or anything else! I really don’t mind talking about it and I think I would have a lot of questions for someone with a weird story like me.
Keep on sparklin’,
Sam
p.s. huge shout out to Nick for being supportive and cool about me totally airing out all of our dirty laundry/relationship/spiritual relationship and journey. He rocks. I love him very much.
